Why did I ever mention that I a lot of the films I had watched for these Christmas reviews had been above my expectations, leading me to retract my statement that I thought most of the films I would review would be crap. Since doing this I have seemingly been cursed and have only seen turds of cinema. Adding to this horrible, horrible list is Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House (2002). I couldn’t possibly have expected anything different, but oh boy was this terrible. In this made for TV sequel, we follow the main hero of the series, Kevin McCallister (Mike Weinberg), whose parents have recently broken up. After arguing with his mum, Kevin decides to spend the holidays with his dad at his new girlfriend’s house, a high-tech mansion with everything he could dream of. However, an old foe in the shape of Marv (French Stewart) plans to kidnap a visiting prince from the house, leading Kevin to stop him.
It may not immediately jump out as you as an issue just reading that synopsis, but this film recasts the original characters from the first two films in the series. This would be fine if this was a standalone film or a reboot of some kind, but it plays out as a sequel and so we are meant to believe these are the same people. If this was the plan, then the casting director needs to be sacked because there is nothing in common with these characters and the characters in those first two films. Ultimately this is the least of the film's problems. For one, it is one of the worst looking films in terms of cinematography and editing I have ever seen. There are so many horrible shots throughout, mostly comprising of these horrendous zooms where it just looks like someone has run up super close to a character’s face with the camera. It looks amateurish at best, but somehow seems completely professional when you see the editing, and more specifically the transitions. Yes, Star Wars uses wipes as transitions, but they make it work. When this film does it it looks like something a 12-year-old would make on Windows Movie Maker. It doesn’t just use standard wipes, but the fancy ones with zigzags and crap like that and it look like something a child would do. I also can’t not mention the awful cover of ‘Jingle Bells’ that is in this film. It feels like an encapsulation of how this film feels to sit through in just how terrible it is. I couldn’t possibly not give you the chance to hear it so here it is.
And yet, none of the above is what makes this film as bad as it is. That would be the writing of the characters in the film and the performances that go along with them. I think it goes without saying that the dialogue in the film is terrible, but the real problem is with the characterisations throughout the film. So many characters just flip flop between personalities or seem to change completely at moment’s notice to match what the film needs them to be in that moment. This is the case with several characters, including a surprise villain twist, but the main character where this is a huge problem for is the character of Natalie (Joanna Going), Kevin’s dad’s new girlfriend. When we first meet her, she is positively lovely. She is extremely welcoming of Kevin into her home and treats him brilliantly even after he floods the house, also agreeing to get involved with some of their holiday traditions. However, halfway through the film, the narrative decides it wants Kevin’s mum and dad to get back together so in an instant she becomes a bitch. This would be fine if there was any indication that she might have issues with Kevin beforehand, but if there are any, they are so subtle that I didn’t notice them, and it just feels like a cheap narrative device to get a happily ever after ending with the McCallister family.
As you can imagine I won’t be recommending this, and with one more film in this series to go, I can only hope this trajectory of quality does not continue or I am in for hell. I do have to admit that there is one moment in this film that I enjoyed. I know, I feel sick too, but hear me out. It is one shot, where Marv and his wife, Vera (Missi Pyle), are unconscious after falling trap to a booby trap of Kevin’s. The film zooms out from their still, unmoving bodies and plays what is tantamount to the funeral march and I burst out laughing. Maybe it was madness from having to sit through this film, or maybe it was a genuine moment of comedic genius. Either way, it means that Christmas with the Kranks (2004) remains the worst film I have seen so far.
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