Oh Disney, why do you keep destroying your good will with me. Before I get started, if you couldn't tell from the title, this review will be explicit with a capital FUCK so you have been warned. With that out of the way lets get down to the business of discussing this pile of a crap. I was never the biggest fan of 'The Lion King' (1994). Don't get me wrong, it is a great film, but it never made the impression on me that it seemed to do on many other people. But what is undeniable is that it is a film of scale, emotion, colour and fun. Throw in Scar played brilliantly by Jeremy Irons and you have a great film which is rightly still played to this day. So, what do you think Disney in their infinite wisdom thought they would do to improve on this beloved classic of thiers? Take everything that made it good, wrap it up in a ball and set the fucking thing on fire that's what. 'The Lion King' (2019) is a sham of a film. It's pretty much a shot for shot remake but with all the fun and excitement taken away. It's Gus Van Sant's 'Psycho' (1998) if that film had lions in it. A cash grab from of the most expensive variety, 'The Lion King' remake can only just fuck off. Everyone already knows the story but for those who are unaware, the film follows Simba, played by both JD McCrary and Donald Glover, a lion cub who also happens to be the future king. His birth is celebrated by all, apart from his Uncle Scar (Chiwetel Ejiofor) who was the heir to the throne before Simba's birth. Along with a pack of hyenas, Scar successfully kills Simba's father, Mufasa (James Earl Jones), and makes Simba run away from his home, and in doing so makes himself King. Several years pass and Scar decimates the home of the lions so that nothing grows and there is nothing to eat. It then becomes up to SImba to return and take his rightful place as King.
Despite what may introductory paragraph this film isn't terrible across the board. There are a few things I can pick out which I thought were good. Firstly, my description of the plot may have been Scar heavy, and that is because Scar is the most interesting character in both versions. Ejiofor does a good job voicing the character and manages to bring the menace of the character really well. The character as a whole is far from perfect, but Ejiofor does a good job with what he got. Two other stand out voice performances come from Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen, playing Timon and Pumba respectively. They are clearly having a lot of fun in the roles, and in a film devoid of fun it is very refreshing when they are on screen. And the biggest positive about the film is how it looks. I have absolutely no option but to give all the praise to the effect artists who worked on this film because they did an unbelievable job. The film is gorgeous and the levels of realism are spectacular. Every hair molecule, every movement, every shadow and reflection of light looks real and it is beautiful to look at. I can't imagine the amount of hours and man power it took to achieve the look but the people who worked on it have to be praised because it is pretty unbelievable.
But in this realism lies the biggest problem with the film. Animals, in real life, don't show emotion the way humans do. If you have had a pet for years you may think you can see emotions on their face but you are mostly imprinting. And so having photorealistic animals talk and attempt to convey emotion is massively jarring and off putting. None of these characters feel like they have real personalities because there all dead behind the eyes. It also means that I can't actually tell if some of the voice acting is good because the voices never match the faces. I like Donald Glover but his voice seems off for Simba. Beyonce, playing Nala, seems like she was hired for her singing voice but again could be doing a decent job if her character showed any emotion. James Earl Jones, who was so commanding as Mufasa in the 1994 original but seems tired and jaded in this version, but that again may be due to the lack of anything in his characters expressions. The moment which made this particular stick in my mind as being truly a terrible creative choice was when Mufasa dies and SImab is crying over his body. I say Siba is crying. The voice actor is crying over this emotional scene, but his character is a lion and so, due to the fact he has no tear ducts, is not crying. It throws you completely out of the film and ruins what in the original was an absolutely heartbreaking scene. People may argue that this film should stand on its own and not be compared to the original, and to those people I say, with upmost respect, go fuck yourselves. This film is basically a shot for shot remake of the original and so can only be compared to it. And the one thing that they changed from the original, the one fucking thing they chose to change, was the song 'Be Prepared'. It's almost as if they wanted to spit in my face. They don't change a thing, and then they get to the best part of the original and say "yeah, this is what we should change". Whoever's idea that was is a clueless dick and I hate them (legally I will say that this is written in jest and I do not actually hate anyone who worked on this film.)
'The Lion King' is an absolute waste of time and you have absolutely no reason to go and watch it. 'Dumbo' (2019) is another Disney remake I hated but at the very least it tried something different. This one doesn't try anything new. It does even less than 'Beauty and the Beast' (2017) and only beats out that film in my mind due to my love of the original 'Beauty and the Beast' (1991). Honestly, save yourself time and money and stay home and watch the original. You will get so much more out of it. Of course, I know that despite what me and several other critics say about this film it is still going to make a shit ton of money and be loved by millions. And although I can't criticise anyone's enjoyment of any film, anyone who likes this I find highly suspicious and anyone who thinks it is better than the original is a person who I will never understand. It is genuine, utter shit.