So we are onto the third film in this franchise which probably should have stopped at 1. 'Nativity' (2009) is a really fun and charming little christmas film which I come back to most years. 'Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger' (2012), while definitely having problems, was a mostly fine sequel. 'Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey' (2014) is an absolute shit show of a film. A heinous attempt at filmmaking, this film made me hold my head in my hands on consistent basis and has left me pretty damn pissed since it finished. Yes, it is that bad. The film sees us return to St Bernadette's where Mr. Poppy (Marc Wootton) inexplicably still has a job. Following in the vein of the first film, there is a song competition that the school want to enter, with this film having a flash mob competition be the focus. When new teacher, Mr. Shepherd (Martin Clunes), is kicked in the head by a donkey, he suffers from amnesia and forgets his daughter and fiance who he is planning to marry in New York. It is then up to Mr. Poppy and the kids to get Mr. Shepherd to his wedding and restore his memory in the process.
The script for this film is horrific. I managed to explain the plot to you just know, but trust me when I say that the fact this script has a discernible plot is a minor miracle. Everything that the film tries falls flat on its face. The comedy is horrendous, the attempts at emotion are laughable and the dialogue on the whole is shocking. Character interactions are genuinely awful and IS couldn't get a grasp on the personality of any of the characters except Mr. Poppy and Bradley Finch (Adam Garcia). This is because we've had two films before this to get to know Mr. Poppy's character, and Bradley Finch is a cliched and stereotypical villain that I have seen in a hundred films of this ilk so he is easy to get a grasp on. A positive of the this film is that I don't absolutely despise Mr. Poppy. His ethics are still questionable but no way near as bad as in the second film. Instead there is something else that infuriates me in this film, and that is that the whole plot could have been wrapped up in five minutes if the characters JUST FUCKING SPOKE TO EACH OTHER. Seriously, if our characters were honest with what was going on like actual fucking humans instead of pretending everything is fine and hoping things turnout for the best the whole conflict of this film could have been avoided. And you may say 'but then there would be no film' to which I say fucking brilliant, kill two bids with one stone. I think the main problem the film has is that it wants to be a full blown musical. In the first two films the musical sections fit into the films plot and made sense in the context. This film has full blown musical number out of nowhere like a more classical musical and they feel really forced. It is also doesn't help that the musical numbers are all shit.
The performances in this film are also all pretty poor. Marc Wootton is fine again in the role of Mr. Poppy, as is Jason Watkins as Gordon Shakespeare, which should be no surprise as this is the third time they have played these characters. The kids are all fine as well, although they are basically ignored throughout this film, which is another problem of the film that follows a franchise where kids are at the front and centre. As for all the newer characters coming in, their performances range from meh to terrible, The meh category is where the previously mentioned Adam Garcia falls, alongside Catherine Tate as Sophie O'Donnell. You can tell that Tate is trying, but her character is so poorly written that I think it would be hard for anyone to pull it off and so she does okay for what she is working with. The terrible category belongs to Martin Clunes. He seems like he is sleep walking through this entire performance, which I totally empathise with by the way. But if he is trying in the role then oh boy does he not pull it off. He has the same problem as Tate in that the character is terribly written, and it is probably much worse for Clunes as he has much more of the film to carry. But his performance is just off in almost every way. It might have been bad casting or bad direction, but regardless the reason the performance is terrible.
This film franchise should never have become a franchise. It was always going to be difficult to make this successful while not just completely remaking the first one over and over. It is clear to me that the filmmakers has run out of ideas after the second film. This film is genuinely terrible. I hated this film pretty passionately and I continue to get mad whenever I think about it. I do not recommend it on any level. But if you do want to maybe just understand slightly how heinous this film us, watch the final flash mob scene on top of the Empire State Building. It is a true encapsulation of how shit this film is. However, despite the complete lack of quality this film has it didn't manage to kill the franchise. Yes, there is a fourth one of these and yes, I will be watching it. Pray for me.