Welcome to the first 'Franchise Friday' where every friday I will be posting a review of an entire film franchise. To kick it all off it only seemed right to watch a franchise I had never seen before, and with the new book having just been released 'Twilight' very much fit the bill. Now I am a 24 year old male and so you can imagine my hesitation to watch a franchise that I had been avoiding for over a decade but I put my preconceptions aside and tried to go into it with an open mind. Also I should say that there will be some spoilers. I can't imagine anyone who hasn't seen this franchise will be reading this but jsut in case you've had your warning. So here we go, my first 'Franchise Friday' of the 'Twilight' series.
'Twilight' (2008)
And so, it finally came to pass that I sat down and watched Twilight after all these years. Not sure it will surprise anyone to hear that I went in with low expectations due to the reputation this film and franchise have built for themselves since their release, but I have to say it wasn’t nearly as horrible as I had expected. I mean it isn’t a great film, but I didn’t think it was a heinous attack of cinema as many people seem to. Saying that I am struggling right now to remember aspects of the films I liked apart from it not being as bad as I had expected… Well the stuff between Bella and her Dad I enjoyed. I genuinely bought into that whole relationship and their scenes together were the moments in the film that I was the most invested. Also, Anna Kendrick is great which is the only aspect of the film that didn’t surprise me in the slightest (I love me some Anna Kendrick). Apart from that it is pretty mediocre or downright poor. It’s an ugly film for a start. I get that the town has to be overcast because the vampires glitter in sunlight, but the colour palette of blues and greys make for a drab viewing experience. The film also drags like all holy hell. I never felt bored, but god did it make its two hours feel like five. This wasn’t helped by all the action scenes looking goofy as all heck. Whenever any of the vampires ran and it was clear that they just sped up the footage it looked horrible, and the scenes of Edward carrying Bella on her back when running through the woods is some of the goofiest looking shit I have ever seen. I am not going to spend to much time shitting on the performances of Kristen Stewart or Robert Pattinson as I wouldn’t be saying anything anyone else hasn’t already said. Neither of them puts in good performances but I blame this on the lifeless bland characters they are playing rather than their acting talent as they have both proven they are very much capable of great performances. What I will rag on is the score though. Holy shit whoever scored this must have been having a bad day because it is wretched. To only is it often horrible to listen to but it quite often just does not fit what is happening on screen at the time. It is genuinely horrible and easily the worst part of the film. Other than that stuff it is pretty mediocre. It isn’t shot horribly and most of the cast do a decent job when they have actually characters to work with. Did I like it? No, I didn’t. But it isn’t terrible and that has raised the stakes for the rest of these films to match or better the level of mediocrity of this one.
'The Twilight Saga: New Moon' (2009)
So, with the first film rising above my very low expectations to become a film that was just about watchable I went into this film hoping beyond hope it would at the very least match the rest. Yeah, so by the end of this film I was laughing like a lunatic after I realised what I had got myself into. I hated this film. Truly hated it. There are definitely aspects of it that improved on the first film mind. For one it is a much nicer film to look at visual. The colour palette is a bit less bland and the special effects look much better. The effects on the wolves look a bit off at times but for the most part they hold up pretty well. Also, the soundtrack is no longer an absolute assault on the ears. Other than one scene right at the beginning of the film where Edward is first seen in which the soundtrack was so over the top it made me laugh, but for the most part it worked well and was full of hipster, indie shit, which for anyone who knows me is my jam. After this I struggle to come up with any positives about this film at all. The acting is just as bad as the first film and the whole relationship with Bella and her dad, which was my favourite aspect of the first film, is almost completely swept under the carpet so we can try and relate to three characters who genuinely made me angry. The first half of this film had me in team Jacob, mostly because Edward is such a bland, morbid and emotionally manipulative. Jacob seemed to be a decent and nice guy and so it was easy for me to like him, until he turned into a wolf and he also became a dickhead who I couldn’t stand. Neither of these guys are likeable at all, and the fact that they are seen as the romantic interest in this love triangle is anger inducing if nothing else. Well it would be if Bella was a likeable character, but she might just be the worst of the lot. In this film she is one of the most selfish people I have ever seen in cinema, consistently putting herself in life threatening situations despite the concern of her family and friends because her boyfriend left her. Boo fucking hoo. Have a cry, have a mope and get on with it. I know break ups are bad and can have a major effect on people, but this film is trying to make me feel sorry for a person who in dealing with her breakup hurts everyone else around and seems not to care at all and for that she can fuck off. Anna Kendrick deserves better than this. Speaking of Anna Kendrick, Bella’s human friends who were easily the most charming part of the first film are hardly in this. On technical terms this film is ahead of the first one, but the main characters are so hateable that the film suffers hugely as a result. But you know the worst part? I have another five hours with these shits.
'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse' (2010)
This isn’t saying all that much but this is the best of the films. Maybe it’s because my expectations were pummelled into the ground by the cinematic atrocity that was ‘New Moon’ but I do think this was the most engaging of the films so far. There were several scenes where I I got into what was happening. This was mostly in the scenes with Victoria and the New Blood army which were easily the best moments of the film. This is because they are both the most interesting character wise and visually. The rest of the film is your love triangle bullshit that I don’t care about, so all the more action-oriented moments are a nice stop to all that crap. The action scenes themselves are also genuinely quite fun and look pretty decent, although the final battle between Edward and Victoria has seemingly rushed ending. The rest of that scene works fine, but the ending just didn’t have the emotional kick I think was needed. On a technical side it is probably the best of the films so far as well. The issues of the film come where they have always come from, the horrible characters involved in this love triangle. Yes the acting remains bad, and the dialogue is as poor as it has always been, and that Bella narration is starting to rub me the wrong way, but all of that still sits way above the quality of this central relationship which Is the emotional crux of the franchise. It is no way near as horrendously awful as it was in the previous film but it still has some anger inducing moments, mostly involving Jacob who takes up the mantle of worst of the worst. Seriously, he is nothing short of a wanker in this film. But I feel like these moments in the film didn’t irk me as much as it did in New Moon because that film annoyed me so much that I decided I really don’t care, and so the worst aspects of those relationships in this film just went right through me like nothing. I am now more invested in every other character’s ordeals. Bella, Edward, and Jacob are just here wasting my time and being pricks. Is the film good? Maybe, but I would still air on the side of not enjoying it as a whole product, but that is just me. Also, on a side note, there is a moment in this film where the score picks up and I was sure I recognised it from somewhere. It just clicked something in my brain. After a few more beats I realised it was ‘Lord of the Rings’, I was sure of it. So I gave it a quick google to see if anyone else had noticed it or there had been some discussion about it being ripped off. And low and behold Howard bloody Shore, the composer from ‘Lord of the Rings’, also composed this film. Well either he has a definite style, or he reused some of his older work for this film, but it was really noticeable at least for me. Not really a negative of the film, just something I noticed.
'The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1' (2011)
What a bloody slog this film is. I can imagine if you are a super fan of the franchise watching almost an hour of a wedding and then honeymoon where Bella and Edward finally fuuuuuuuck is an exciting prospect, but it doesn’t make for an exciting film on the whole. In fact, it makes for a ridiculously boring movie which feel like it is never going to end. I’m not kidding, nothing of any significance to the storyline occurs until almost an hour into this film. And then when the plot does decide to kick in its again dull crap of if Bella’s baby will kill her. Well this happens to be part 1 of this conclusion so I would hazard a guess at her being absolutely fine and therefore any tension is sucked right out of the film. Also, speaking of that baby, what is that ungodly nightmare of CGI that is presented here? Who seriously looked at the final product of that baby and thought that they were good to go? It is an assault on the soul. But the film isn’t all bad. Again, it is technically sound and there are some actually really nice shots in this film. On a visual level it might be the best looking of the bunch so far. But all the old problems remain meaning that the lack of interest in the story really is a killer on my enjoyment. I did enjoy one scene immensely; however, I don’t think it was for the reasons the filmmakers intended. It is a scene where all the wolves meet up in their wolf form and start talking to each other. A simple scene on the basis but fuck me if it isn’t absolute comedy gold. I also have to mention that this is the first film that got me to genuinely laugh at a joke, not once but twice. Who was it who made me laugh both times? Anna Kendrick, because of course it was.
'The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2' (2012)
First of all, Anna Kendrick is nowhere to be seen in this film. I don’t care if it would make sense to have her, make room goddamit. Secondly, I just wasted 10 hours of my life to have a climatic battle scene be a vision that didn’t really happen. Fuck you. All joking aside this film is slap bang in the middle of the franchise ranking for me. It is pretty dull for the most part and there is an egregious amount of exposition and narration for the final film in a franchise. We’re meant to be wrapping the other films up not adding a whole new lore and 45,000 new characters who we are supposedly meant to care about. But the final battle, despite the fact it didn’t happen (fuck you), is a fun action set piece. Again, the film looks decent and is shot well, and the score remains solid after how awful it was in the first film. The acting is still hokey, especially with Michael Sheen who I usually love, but the characters are at least not all massive dickheads for the entire runtime lie in many of the others. I still couldn’t give a single shit about any of them, but they don’t make me angry anymore. I will also say that this is quite easily the most unintentionally hilarious of any of the films. The first 15 minutes in particular are a laugh riot, with the CGI demon baby just existing being the key to the hilarity. But it is the final scene that takes the biscuit on laughs. Bella asks Edward if she can show him something and then we see a montage of the franchise. A genuine, fucking montage. And they take it seriously as a thing that actually happened. I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing and genuinely was laughing out loud. As the end of a franchise I guess it works fine, but when the best thing about your film are the unintentionally hilarious moments you know you’ve done bad.
And there we have it, my first 'Franchsie Friday' is complete and oh boy was it a trip. For a franchise I thought I would hate it is not all that terrible. I mean its not good and I only think that two of the films were anything other than bad, but I half expected them all to be painful to sit through and so it beat out my epectations. But I can also understand that these films are definitely not for me and I can totally see why people would love it. As for me I am glad I never have to watch any of these films ever again and can move on to franchises I may actually enjoy. In fact, next weeks franchise is one I genuinely love despite half the films being pretty shit. I'll see you there.