I know I said that I suggested that I would only be reviewing horror films throughout the month of October, and for me to even suggest Hocus Pocus (1993) is a horror film would be ridiculously disingenuous. But what it most definitely is is a Halloween film. And with the very belated sequel being released recently, it felt a good time for to me finally watch a film that has eluded me all these years. The film tells the story of the Sanderson sisters, a group of witches in 17th century America who were hanged by the locals after they are captured sucking the life force from children to stay young. However, before their execution, they cast a spell so that if any virgin lights the black flamed candle they will return. Jump forward to 1993, where a young California teen moves to the town, and in an attempt to impress a girl and prove the stories of the witches aren’t real lights the candle, inadvertently bringing the sisters back to torment the town.
If you have very happy, nostalgic memories of this film I would warn you to turn back now. I will be as nice as I can, but I can not promise that I won’t say some mean things about this film you possibly love. I will start with what I like about the film. I think the production design is genuinely very good. A lot of the time it looks like they are obviously on a set and not in a real location, but it doesn’t really matter because the sets match the more light-hearted and silly tone of the film. It also means that the film has some visual interest to it. I would also like to say that I appreciate that older films for kids are less likely to shy away from more adult imagery. It isn’t something that happens a lot in this film, but there is a shot right at the beginning after the sisters are executed which is reminiscent of that moment in Jojo Rabbit (2019), if you know you know. It was genuinely quite a shocking visual to see in what I thought was a kid’s film, and the film does eventually settle into that tone, but I appreciated the image anyway. After all, there isn’t much else to appreciate in this film.
Look, I know nostalgia is a very powerful thing and if you love this film because you saw it a lot as a kid that is great. One thing I love about films is that they are subjective after all. However, if like me you watched this for the first time as an adult and genuinely enjoyed it then I think you may be beyond saving. I found this film to be unbearably obnoxious and I kind of hate it. On the lower end of why this film is bad is the boring and cliched narrative. Oh, so the teenagers are trying to warn the town of incoming peril, but no one believes them? Never seen that before I say in a manner that would suggest I have in fact seen that before. Next up on the reasons this film is bad, is the CGI on that fucking cat. For the most part a lot of the effects hold up decently well, but holy shit is the CGI face on the cat a waking nightmare. I know this is early days into CGI in the movies, but just remember that Jurassic Park (1993) came out the same year and that film still holds up until this day, so I feel I am justified in my criticism. But the worst thing about this film, and it is a major issue, is that the Sanderson sisters are some of the most grating, irritating, endlessly annoying characters put to film. Up there with Jar-Jar Binks for me. And people say that Bette Midler puts in a good performance, and I would agree if she was trying to play a character who makes you want to claw your ears off. I’m sorry, but they are headache-inducing. It is just screaming and noise constantly with them and I couldn’t stand it. I get it is for kids, but Jesus Christ was it so bloody annoying.
Before I sat down and wrote this review, I knew it would be negative, but I didn’t have any genuine contempt for the film. But as I typed and as I had to remember the film, I began to hate it more and more. Maybe it is because I am hopped up on caffeine. Maybe it is because it is late at night. Maybe the film is just shit. I suspect it is the latter. I can’t stand this shit, and the fact that in watching this I have committed to watching the sequel torments me. Genuinely, I went into my Letteboxd review of this while writing and lowered the score. Fuck it. Unbearably annoying garbage.
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