It is no secret that I am a fan of Japanese horror films. In fact, I wrote a piece for this very blog exploring the history of Japanese horror and suggesting where to start if you were interested in jumping in. The era I suggested as a starting point is the most famous of eras in the genre, the period of the 90s and early 2000s. This era produced several classics of the horror genre and coincided with a huge interest in these films from the West. It will come as no surprise then that Hollywood took notice and started pumping out American versions of these films shortly after their initial release. And it is these films I am looking at today, or at least the ones where I have seen the original film first. I racked my brains a bit on how to present this and I landed on a ranking system. I came to this decision as I expected most of these films to be bad and so I wanted to have a kind of hierarchy of crap. And I think it is only fair to also let you know how I rank the original films, so you have added context. Let’s do that before we jump in.
Original Rankings
5) Dark Water (2002) – dir. Hideo Nakata
4) One Missed Call (2003) – dir. Takashi Miike
3) Ringu (1998) – dir. Hideo Nakata
2) Ju-On: The Grudge (2002) – dir. Takashi Shimizu
1) Pulse (2001) – dir. Kiyoshi Kurosawa
Remake Rankings
5) Pulse (2006) – dir. Jim Sonzero
It is very, very rare that I rate a film a half-star. This rating is reserved for the lowest of the low. The bottom of the barrel. The dross. To show how rare this is, I have only ever given out this rating 24 times. Well, that was the case until I saw Pulse which became my number 25. It is truly horrible. There is nothing positive I can say about it. Even a Brad Dourif cameo could not raise this film above the absolute crock of shit that it is. Firstly, it just looks horrible. The colour has been completely sucked out of it, which I understand is to give the film this sense of gloom and despair hanging over everything, but none of that matters if the film is unbearable to look at. That isn’t helped by the fact that the editing is garbage. It is a complete mess and confuses you more than it entices you. Perhaps I have much more negative feelings towards this film because of my love for the original which I see as the best J-Horror film of this era (at least of the ones I have seen), but besides that, it is beyond terrible. And to have it even be associated with the original film is embarrassing. That film creates a constant atmosphere of dread and despair and has some of the genuinely some of the scariest and creepiest scenes in any horror film, and all without jump scares. The remake is the exact opposite. It matches the colour in that it is completely dull and decides that jump scares and body-bending monsters was the way to go. Whoever thought that was a good idea needs to take a long hard look in the mirror. Complete and utter shit from start to finish and easily the worst of these films.
4) One Missed Call (2008) – dir. Eric Valette
In terms of overall critical response, this one takes the biscuit. It is one of the films that is sat at an incredible 0% critical consensus on Rotten Tomatoes, with the audience score not being much better at 29%. And I was aware of this going in so my expectations were extremely low. Perhaps as a result of this, I came out not hating it, and in fact, I kind of loved it. Let’s not get it wrong, the film is absolute shit. It is not scary in the slightest and is in fact far more comedic. The performances are all bland and lifeless and some of the line delivery is laughable. It is bland visually, and the CGI effects throughout are so naff. And yet, all of this manages to come together in one package that I thought was a right laugh. Of course, that is not what it is meant to be, but in that way, it does share some similarities with its Japanese counterpart. The Japanese original is dissimilar to the other films we’ll talk about today in that it is much more bombastic with how it goes about scaring you whereas the other films are a bit more focused on consistent dread, and so this film captures that idea. The issue is whereas the original is well-made, entertaining and scary, the original is only entertaining because of how badly made and unscary it is. Nonetheless, it may very well be a new ‘so bad it’s good film for me, although I reckon, I may be alone with that opinion.
3) The Grudge (2004) – dir. Takashi Shimizu
This film stands alone on this particular list as it is both actually set in Japan and directed by the same director as the original film. Unfortunately, in this situation that actually counts as a bad thing. The fact that these things are true just makes me wonder why I am bothering to watch this and not the original film. Now, you could say that about all these films on this list, but for this one, it is particularly true. I should point out that I don’t think this film is terrible. It is shot decently well and sets up some okay jump scares. But, more so than any other film on this list it comes close to just being a shot-for-shot remake. Granted it takes away some aspects of the narrative and employs a much more structured story than its Japanese counterpart that jumps around with its storytelling. But what it does keep it doesn’t do nearly as well as the original and ends up being more boring than it is scary. As I said, it isn’t awful, but it is also so uninteresting that it is hard to think of anything to talk about when discussing it. However, if we compare it to the newest American attempt at rebooting this franchise this looks like an utter masterpiece.
2) Dark Water (2005) – dir. Walter Salles
This one was quite a surprise. The original film is one that I seem to not connect with as much as many other people, couple that with this film’s less than favourable rotten tomatoes score and I wasn’t expecting all that much. And overall, I thought it was pretty good, let down mainly by not being able to stick the landing. This film has an advantage over some of the others in that the story it has to work with is more interesting than most of the others and it does a good job of keeping that intrigue. Unfortunately, when it tries to work as a horror film it mostly falls flat on its facers. But if you go into the film looking at it as more of a thriller, or even more so a drama, then it does a pretty good job of it. This is helped by a really great cast, with Jennifer Connelly, Jon C. Reilly, Tim Roth, and Pete Postlethwaite all putting in good performances. And this large cast goes hand in hand with one aspect of this film that I actually enjoyed more than the original, and that there is more focus and involvement from the secondary characters, and it does add to the story and the themes of the film. It is a little disappointing that it struggles so much when it comes to the horror moments, so much so that it can be a little comical, because if it had managed to get that aspect of the film to work as well as the rest it then it may have been a genuinely great film. As it is, it is just a good film, although I may be in the minority when it comes to that opinion.
1) The Ring (2002) – dir. Gore Verbinski
Having watched this film again in preparation for this piece, it became very clear that it easily sits at the top of the pile in regard to these Hollywood remakes. In fact, I would go so far as to say I really like this film, and even more so on second viewing. It doesn’t get close to the original in most aspects, but it still really works as an effective horror film and got under my skin on several occasions. The main thing I appreciate about this film is that it takes the overall story of the original film but then does its own thing with it. The most obvious difference is the tape itself, which is completely different to the original one, and this difference goes hand in hand with where the film goes narratively. It even takes away the one aspect of the original film that really doesn’t work for me, and that is the supernatural side of it. This film keeps it more ambiguous, and I appreciate that hugely. That subtlety doesn’t always carry over to the major scares in the film which can’t help but be bombastic and in your face. But there are also moments which are truly creepy and do a great job in terms of scaring you. As I have already alluded to, this film sits at the top of this list mainly because it feels like it has a reason to exist. Whereas all the other films are weak imitations of their originals (with the exception perhaps being Dark Water), this film feels like it stands alone from the original and is worth a watch on its own merits. Because of that, it is likely the only film on this list I ever see myself coming back to.
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