We’re back reviewing newly released films. This is the time of year that the UK is blessed with a lot of the films that go on to be Oscar-nominated. Why then am I reviewing Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) you may be asking. That would be because I am a huge fan of horror and a glutton for punishment. That may be a little harsh as I do try to go into every film with an open mind. But something about this film going straight to Netflix when other films of this ilk such as Halloween (2018) or Scream (2022) got cinematic releases was not a great sign, especially as the original The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) is just as much a classic of the genre. And who knows, maybe my preconceived notions would be proven wrong. The film follows a group of young influencers who are looking to make a small Texas ghost town into a new haven for young people. However, in doing so they run into the legendary Leatherface (Mark Burnham) who does what he odes best and goes on a killing spree.
Spoilers straight out of the gate, this film is a big pile of shit. Not only is it a blatant rip-off of the 2018 Halloween film, but it doesn’t capture any of what made that film good. But I don’t want to completely shit on it, so I will start this review with some of the stuff I liked. Firstly, I enjoyed the scene where Leatherface first loses it and starts to become the big, hulking, slasher character. It is ridiculous and the kills are silly, but they were also a lot of fun. At this point, I had high hopes for the film becoming a fun slasher film, but it only ever captured this moment of fun once more in the whole film. That moment is where Leatherface ends up on a bus full of these influencers and goes on a bloody rampage. This is, again, quite a bit of fun, but it opens with one of the characters looking at Leatherface and saying, ‘Try anything and you’re cancelled bro’ and I wanted to throw up. The only other thing I can think of as a positive to say about the film is that it is quite gory. That isn’t so much a positive for me as I am not a gorehound myself, but if that’s you’re thing you’ll get a good amount of it here.
Apart from all of the above, there is very little positive to say about the film. The performances are all okay, but the script is so appalling (see the ‘Try anything and you’re cancelled bro’ example above) that they are fighting against the strongest of currents to put a good performance in. The main issue with the characters, in general, is that they are all so unlikeable. Now, your main characters don’t have to be these saints with no unappealing personality traits, but you have to care that they could die. You’re meant to be emotionally invested in the plight of these characters, but you actually find yourself rooting for Leatherface. You know, the mass murderer who wears a mask made of people’s skin. He feels like the hero, and that is not what should be happening. Also, the film has the Netflix sheen that I just hate. One of the aspects of the original film that makes it so effective is that it feels dirty, gritty. It feels almost like you are watching an actual snuff film, even though it is reminiscent of Psycho (1960) in that there is actually very little gore, but your imagination and the reputation of the film makes you feel like it is far more violent than it is. This film captures none of that. I am not expecting this film to recapture that perfectly, but this goes almost the complete opposite of that, and the film really suffers as a result. But the biggest crime of all is that I just found myself bored. That is probably the biggest criticism I can throw at the film because it is also, without credits, 75 minutes long. It is barely feature-length, and I was still bored out of my skull.
This is the first film I have seen this year which I can say is truly terrible. I have seen a couple of films that were pretty ‘meh’ but nothing too bad. But this one, oh boy. Even the positives I mentioned earlier are only positive because I am truly reaching for things to compliment so as to not have a completely negative review. I have pre-emptively told several people not to waste their time with it, and I will echo that sentiment here. Even though it is extremely short, it is not short enough to waste your hours on. Truly awful.
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